Well, here we are! Our calendars have nearly run out, and, yet again, we’re left wondering where on earth the time went–it always happens too quick!–and now, I don’t know about you, but sometimes my thoughts fall to what I wish I would have done or could have done, but didn’t…
Take my writing for example. I’ve been feeling down because I just can’t find time for it. But, if I stop to really think about it, I realize just how much I’ve accomplished in this little write life of mine, and am grateful.
First, I started a newsletter, which began my journey of many new writing ideas and opportunities. I finished writing my first book, editing that book, but then realized it needed a complete re-write–so, I took a break. During that break I wrote and edited another book: Altered Expectations. (Free for all newsletter subscribers! Read about it on the main page: tarafurnemont.com) Then I re-wrote my first book only to realize it merely paved the way for the book I’m meant to write, and I’m excited for this next adventure.
Yet, I continue to focus on what hasn’t been done. My mind is a tornado of thoughts that stew about, frenzied, begging, aching to be told. My fingers burn with desire to release me from the storm–and the remedy is simple–just write, right? The birth of a new book awaits! What are you waiting for?! *sigh* I am at the mercy of time. Burdened.
As you would expect, the past couple months have had all the usual Christmas buildup with preparations, parties, and excitement; but tangled within lies an unexpected, nagging, tiring, all consuming exhaustion.
The little one is on repeat: “Play with me mommy, be with me mommy, don’t ever leave me mommy.” When finally he naps, or allows dad to be a substitute, I have the chance to spend quality time with my oldest–we go swimming, play boardgames, or just simply sit and build lego. I am up before the sun and in bed long after it sets, and am needed every moment of it (often called in for overtime in the form of midnight cuddles.) And what’s worse? The pangs of guilt as I write this. Isn’t this simply “being mom?” Being tired is just part of the job description, right?
While I do recognize the need for me time–that’s a post for another day–I am wrapping up this year by embracing it all. All the bitter. All the sweet.
But, what exactly does that mean?
Well, without struggle in our lives we would fail to see the beauty–the sweet made sweeter when paired with bitter–which is exactly the point Susan Cain makes in her book “Bittersweet.” And how perfectly fitting that I’m currently in the middle of reading it, learning how both bitter and sweet can exist simultaneously, and how embracing both sides will make us “whole.” (Click here to check out Bittersweet)
I am reminded of a conversation I had with a close friend: We’re so quick to count all of our children’s firsts, but how often do we stop to think about the possibility of their lasts? The last cuddle goodnight, the last time they ask to spend time with you, or the last time they need you to put a bandaid on their scraped knee…
And so, that’s exactly what I’m going to do: Count their lasts.
Sometimes that means giving up some me time, which is certainly bitter, but the paired sweet is the connection and love for my kids. Upon reflection I am reminded to cherish these days for one day the sweet will be endless me time, paired with grown children who no longer need their momma by their side.
I know I’m not alone in this. Life isn’t all good times, it’s hard times too, and often times we feel like something is wrong with us when we fall to the depths of sadness–especially when it comes during moments that are supposed to be joyous. There’s nothing wrong with us though, it’s life. Sometimes bitter. Sometimes sweet. Simply, Bittersweet❤️
And so, let me ask you now: What challenges do you face? How does your bitter pair with sweet?
Take care friends, and happy new year
-Tara
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