All signs pointed to disastrous.
The night was rough. I was awake at all hours of the night, thanks to my teething 11 month old… He also decided at 4am that it was time to rise and shine!! Haha, no. Just no. After an hour of him fighting, and me begging, he slipped off into dreamworld. I was happy he was resting his little mind. But me? I felt ripped off. I was left with only half an hour before my usual alarm would go off. …sigh… Might as well start the day.
The morning routine wasn’t much better. We were headless hens running in circles, clambering over each other in a show of chaotic disarray. Feathers were ruffled. One would think that waking up at the crack of way-too-early would leave lots of time to get ready… But no. Thankfully I got my nine year old school on time, my baby to his grandma, and me to work.(which is an EA in a kinder class)
Enter class. My eyes fall immediately to one student, and anxiety settled in. I have spent the last week dreading this moment. All the paperwork pointed to one seriously difficult kid; compete with wild behaviours, physical outbursts and zero room for reasoning. To top it off, it’s his first day back to class since before Christmas break–did I mention schedules and routine are his usual triggers? Ugh…. After my night from hell, and a morning equally as restful, I was prepared for a life rattling kinda day.
But here I sit, reflecting. Reflecting on a day that was an obvious recipe for disaster… Reflecting on the child I expected to meet, based on the reports, and the child I actually met. A sweetheart. A shy little guy with a warm little soul. One that used his words when upset, overcame difficulties, and even grabbed my hand when he needed help with his jacket.
I feel shame and guilt. I built up a terrible image of this sweet little boy, based on a worst case scenario… and I should have reminded myself of that. So often we do this to ourselves though, expect the worst, but at what cost? Tension… Anxiety… And often it’s all for nothing anyways. I was reminded today that I should expect the best, and focus on the now. Focus on what is happening, and embrace whatever goodness you hold. Sure the unexpected can– and will–happen, but deal with it then. Let your mind rest in the current moment, instead of being alert with anxiety for what probably won’t even happen.
Perhaps you disagree?
Maybe you’ve heard the quotes about preparing for the worst, which sets the scene to be pleasantly surprised on a regular basis. …Always breathing a sigh of relief, realizing life’s not so bad, because it could have been worse.
Thoughts to ponder… What do you think?
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